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3.11.10

30 Days of Truth - Day 03



Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.


Ew. I don't like this one. May I skip to the next?

I suppose you could say I have a lot of 'hang ups' with my past. There is a lot of unfinished business and a lot of people who are angry with me. I feel justified, but also...

Anyway. I think the biggest, worst 'sin' of them all that I did that I need to forgive myself for is... binge eating since I was about four years old.

(Wow. I had something else typed in but realised that I wasn't being completely honest. I type that whopper in and the tears start gathering!)

I was abused as a child in different ways and that brought out many different habits in me. One was binge eating. Some people turn to anorexia, some to bullemia... I tried those when I was at university, but I started off with binge eating.

Food has forever been the one thing I could control. Not the food I ate, but how much I ate. Some of my earliest memories are of literally eating myself sick. Yeah. A lot of horrible memories, those.

I need to forgive myself for coping with my childhood by binge eating because, frankly, not forgiving myself for doing it is keeping me from losing the weight now that I'm in a safe place.

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