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9.5.10

Mothers Day

First off, to all you good mothers out there, happy Mother's Day. I hope it's filled with relaxation and love.

Mother's Day used to be hard for me. I don't have the kind of relationship with my mother that warrants me even sending a card. I know that seems harsh, but not all mothers are good mothers. Unfortunately, I'm descended of a line of not so great mothers. I don't want to say 'bad' because the women of my bloodline have gone through some pretty horrendous things. But that's no excuse to continue the cycle.

However, you may notice that I said 'used to be' hard for me. Not is. Well, that's because I know life is a state of mind, and I have decided to look at Mother's Day not with the sadness of a scarred daughter but with the hopefulness of a mother to be.

I'm not pregnant, no, but some day I will be. Some day I will have a daughter, and I will do better by her. I will be where the abuse stops and the love begins. I will make sure she knows that I love her and I wanted her long before she came into existence. I'll let her know that I was scared, but I still wanted her.

And, when she's old enough, I will tell her why we never visit grandma.

To all you good mothers out there who know that respect is not insisted upon by blood but is earned - always earned, have a wonderful day. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep letting your good mother and your daughter, your sister good mothers and friend good mothers... Keep letting them know how wonderful they are. Because for those of us with not-so-good mothers, well, we need a good template so we can grow to be the good mothers we never had.

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