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7.10.06

Closer and Closer (Archive)

Well, the day of the flight is getting closer and strangely, I find myself calming a bit. As I told Hawke, I'm having a very serene day. Everything is in place and I just have to show up where and when I'm expected. I have this very strong sense that everything is going to be alright. I think that has a lot to do with the thoughts The Bloke and Hawke have been sending me (or trying and hitting against my dense wall of a head :P) for a while now.

I'm going to get my carry-on ready tonight. Heaven knows I'll forget something, so it's best to have my most important bits ready to go early. (Bloke - no comments about my important bits.)

Hawke always likes to remind me that everything happens for a reason. Well, strangely enough, on my last weekend at home, the family is having a get-together. I'll be able to make goodbyes (be them silent goodbyes) should I wish to do so. I'm even doubling up with Big W tonight for bowling because my mother can't bowl. I figure that's a nice little "coincidence".

Were I at a different point in my life, I would take this as a sign I should stay home. Or I would guilt myself into staying home. I was about to, too, but something happened today that reminded me of one of the reasons I'm leaving.

[...taken out...]

That's not the only reason I'm leaving, of course, but it reminded me of one facet of why I'm doing this. I'm not just taking another step with the man I love, I'm taking a step for me. I'm standing up for myself and finally claiming my life. It's mine and I'll do with it as I please. Maybe I'll fall and stumble, but at least I'll have only myself to hold accountable for it.

I know I'm rambling, but after things seeming unreal, then freaking out a bit last night, it feels good to stand so strong on my convictions. My decisions. MY decisions. It's a wonderful feeling.

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